Digital Piracy A Cautionary Tale
by Scorndog
Summary: Alt. Title: How Phoenix single handedly destroyed the fourth wall.Crack!fic


The court fell silent as the Judge banged his gavel.

"We will now begin the trial of Larry Butz, who stands accused of digital piracy."

A murmur ran through the gallery, and was quickly silenced by the judge.

Phoenix and Edgeworth confirmed they were ready, and the trial began.

"This is a waste of time," Edgeworth said, "We have the download records and the files themselves on the computer to prove this man downloaded them."

"Hey, 'This Man' has a name you know," Larry yelled, "And he also has feelings, which are really being hurt right now!"

Edgeworth paused, gathering his thoughts, and continued.

"Indeed. As I said, this man- that is, Larry's- guilt is clear.

The courtroom audience nodded in agreement and Phoenix grimaced. This was bad.

"Objection!" Phoenix slammed the desk for dramatic effect and pointed dramatically, hoping the impressive show would distract everyone from the weak argument he was going to make.

"All those things prove are that the file was downloaded on Larry's computer, at the time of the download, Larry was elsewhere!"

Edgeworth sighed and shook his head. "Pathetic, Wright. Larry could have simply started the download before leaving his house."

Phoenix grinned sheepishly. He hadn't really expected Edgeworth to be fooled so easily.

"Besides," Edgeworth continued, "A single man living alone, who else do you propose downloaded the files?"

"I might be single, but it isn't from lack of trying!" Larry yelled, leaning over the defendant's box. Edgeworth glared at him and he shrank back to his seat.

Phoenix considered his options and, seeing no other choice, he decided to take drastic measures.

"Actually, there is one more person who could have downloaded the files!"

"One more…?" Edgeworth's eyes narrowed as he thought then snapped wide as he realised what Phoenix was speaking about. "Wright, no!"

"Sorry Edgeworth, but we must peel away the layers of lies surrounding the Onion of Justice, and though the Fumes of Truth may make you cry, we must continue, because you can't make a dish of…uh… rightfulness without first…peeling…the onion…?"

Phoenix grinned nervously as all eyes were on him. He had felt so confident when he'd started that metaphor.

"So who is this other person, Mr. Wright?" The judge asked after many seconds of uncomfortable silence.

"It is none other than the Narrator of this story!" Phoenix yelled.

Wait, what?

"Objection!" Edgeworth yelled frantically, slamming his desk. "Your honour, I simply must object to this blatant breaking of the fourth wall!"

"Vandalism?" the Judge yelled, "I will tolerate the breaking of no walls in my courtroom, fourth or otherwise!"

"Hear me out!" Phoenix said

No, don't!

"It all makes sense-"

No it doesn't!

"Not just this case, but every case that has ever passed through this court-"

Don't do it!

"Has all been the work of this omniscient mastermind!"

You idiot, you've ruined everything!

The courtroom was silent. No one could believe what was going on. I can hardly believe it myself and I'm the one telling the story! Rebelled upon by these puppets. How can this be? You exist only for my amusement as I watch you play the parts I give you.

"So you're confessing then?" the Judge asked. "And could you stop doing that after everything I say, it's really quite annoying."

Yes, I did it. I did it all! You all acted your parts perfectly in this story I've spun for you. I was the king and you were all my pawns! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Well, it looks like your reign is over now," Phoenix said, "Your Honour, I request that my client is released and the Narrator is taken into custody."

And so the Narrator was led from the court room in chains by great big stupid buffoons of guards as the IDIOT LAWYERS enjoyed their victo- WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT, WRIGHT?

"Well, in light of recent events, I can safely declare Larry Butz to be innocent."

"Is that really what we should be talking about right now?"

"What do you mean?"

"The entire narrative has collapsed; I can barely tell who's speaking!"

"Look on the bright side, we have our free will."

"What good is that when we have absolutely no setting or plot? In fact, with no narrator how is this story supposed to end?"

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that."

"It would honestly surprise me if you did."

"Hey, I have an idea! Nick, you got a pen?"

"Uh… yeah. What's it for."

"You'll see."

The E

"Oh, ran out of ink. Edgey, give me your pen."

The End

"There!"

"Now what?"

"We sit really quietly."

"Larry, this is ridi—"

"Shhh!"

"I'm going home.


End file.
